A Modest Automotive Proposal (pt 3)
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor UAW, who are hard workers, have families, and need their boner pills covered by their insurances, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, resigning for buyouts as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young laborers, they are now in less hopeful a condition; they can only get tiered wages, and consequently pine away for want of honest representation, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally promoted to key positions, they have not strength or training to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils of paying living wages.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of inept managers, with whom we are verily overrun, being the principal impediment to the success of the manufacturers as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay in petty fiefdoms on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to its end, hoping to take away as much as they can from the UAW by pleading the absence of so many sales, who have chosen rather to place blame on supposed currency manipulations, and perception gaps rather than face the music.
Secondly, The poorer suppliers will have nothing valuable of their own, and can be liquidated, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord’s rent, their contracts thrown out and tooling already seized, and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand retirees, cannot be computed at less than fully funded VEBA, the UAW’s stock will be thereby be increased using the profit of any newly introduced designs to the driveways and garages of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own manufacture.
Fourthly, The constant sales, beside the gain of many billions for bailout, the manufacturers, by the sale of their brands to the Chinese, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This solution would likewise bring great investment in design of new products; where the Chinese will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their dealerships frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good driving: and a skillful salesman, who understands how to oblige his customers, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, This would now be a great inducement to install speed cameras everywhere, which all wise nations have either been encouraged by shortfalls in revenues or enforced by laws and penalties in the guise of safety. It is all for the children, after all, provided in some sort by the Australian company RedFlex, to their annual taking of drivers’ moneys out of the country. We should see an honest emulation along every freeway, which of them could bring the most revenue from the market? Men would become as proud of their violations, and having the means to pay them as they are now of their tackle, past conquests, and witticisms; nor would they offer to pickax or incinerate them (as is too frequent a practice in Europe) for fear of a miscarriage of justice.
Many other advantages might be enumerated with these plans. For instance, the addition of some thousands of cheaply made Chinese-American automobiles, the propagation of cut rate quality, and improvement in the art of upside-down financing, so much tragedy has been witnessed among us by the great destruction of our economy. Not a tear will be shed when these new, cheap automobiles meet their end; they which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, classic American sedan, which driven whole hog will make a considerable single digit mileage whilst gulping the petrol as in the lord mayor’s feast or any other public parade. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.
Supposing that one thousand families in each major city, would be constant customers for these new automobiles, besides others who might have them at merry meetings, say autocrossing and rentals and the like, I compute that Detroit would take off annually to about twenty thousand new sales; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining units sell in the eighty millions.
PARIS, Ill. — The UAW filed a federal lawsuit against auto supplier ZF Boge today, stating the company’s decision to close its Paris, Ill., manufacturing plant is a breach of contract.